Happy Father’s Day To All The Single or Divorced Moms!

Kiss For Mother

Not to diminish the importance of honoring dads, but let’s face it.  There’s an awful lot of us women fulfilling both parenting roles, whether it be by choice, circumstance, or divorce. Not only are we the nurturers, the soft place to land, “do your homework” police, and stuffy nose patrol, we are the disciplinarians, the leaders, the breadwinners, money managers, trash can taker-outers.  There is no “wait til your father gets home”, threat that can be made, no one else that can run interference when we get tired or frustrated.  More often than not, there isn’t even anyone that can give us a hug and shoo us into a hot bath to chill out when it all gets to be too much.

We rarely get to sleep when we want, eat when we want, or pee in private.  Our days are consumed with packing lunches, making appointments, dealing in homework folders, paying bills for a family on a single income and worrying about college.  It’s laundry, groceries, teacher conferences, long work days worrying and missing them, wondering if their biological father is going to flake again this weekend or if he can really be trusted to take them to Disneyland on his own.  It’s registering them for sports, buying gear for sports, transportation to and from sports, and bringing snacks for sports.  We are the tear wipers, the sliver removal specialists, the broken heart recovery team, the keeper of the chore chart, and sometimes the ass chewer.  It is a double time job with little lives hanging in the balance with no vacation or sick days, definitely no retirement package or 401k.

We are belittled and ridiculed by parts of society and the media that believe we are somehow defective and less than because we are moms flying solo, while single dads are lauded as noble heroes, deserving of praise for “being there” for their kids, even if all they do is meet the part time obligations of a court ordered parenting plan. “What a good guy!”, the world shouts as he successfully manages to survive his two weeks in the summer as we do the hardest and most important job in the world with little to no acknowledgment the other 50 weeks of the year.

This weekend while we are honoring the fathers in our lives with barbecues and new five irons, try not to forget that there is a small army of women out there doing the job of two people, being the mother AND the father to the children they raise.  Send an email or make a phone call and tell her “good job”, because sometimes Father’s Day is about the moms.

34 thoughts on “Happy Father’s Day To All The Single or Divorced Moms!

  1. So well said. Great post and you are so right,being a single parent is very tough. You deserve every respect and it is only right you get two days, mother and fathers day. When I argue with my husband I always threaten that if we split he could have full custody, maybe that explains the marriage!

  2. I should be packing and getting ready to take kids on major long haul flight to see family in Ire, but spending my time reading every one of your blogs. Worth it :))))) Where are those passports?

  3. I absolutely relate to this post x 100. I am 56 now, but raised my 2 kids for ten years alone. It was like the first line in A Tale of Two Cities: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Yes, I applaud and acknowledge all the single moms out there! happy father’s day. Oh, and a p.s. –I call weekend dads Disneyworld Dads–they are all about the trips, etc. and bring them home for us to do the tough stuff.

  4. This is true in a lot of cases, but let’s not forget there are great dads out there. My daughter’s father is one of those who never calls, never tries to see her, and never pays child support, but my dad is a fantastic guy who shows my daughter what real dads are like by spending time with her, helping us and being a great role model. 🙂

    • For sure, there are plenty of good and bad of both sides. But honestly, I find myself surrounded by parents who have wound up single in some manner and it seems that it’s primarily the women who are doing the less glamorous parts of parenting while dad gets the Kodak moments on the weekends. My kids have an awesome dad, he’s reliable, engaged, etc… but it’s me that’s doing the gruntwork and that seems to be more the norm than the exception. But yes, there are good men, true.

      • I feel your pain! It can be annoying when you get stuck always being the serious one or the ‘bad cop’ or the one that says no to ice cream at midnight.

  5. What a great post! A much better one than I read recently which sounded like a whine fest (and I’m a single mother). You wrote this in a way that allows the single mum dignity. The other chick wrote it like she was whining and wanting pity. I don’t want pity. I want friends that understand my situation and respect. That’s all. And your blog gives us that. Thank you! Btw I will be blogging about that other article more specifically and putting a link up. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts when I do. Cheers 🙂

    • Hey, I see no reason to whine. It’s hard work and sometimes it’s a total pain in the ass but you know what? I love it. And it’s opened up a relationship between my kids and I that they don’t have with their dad because they see that I’m the one working my tail off, sacrificing, doing the daily routine…they love their dad but I’m their rock and I am thrilled to be! 🙂

  6. I actually never thought about that. Father Day was always meaningless holiday to me because I grew up to a single mother. I always tried to show her my appreciation, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t I go through my self-absorbed only care about myself teen age years. My mom has bigger balls than most men and her with my aunts showed me how strong women can be.

    • Your momma and your aunts did a great job if you ask me! Not to say there isn’t a place for father’s but women are more than capable of rising to fill both roles AND fill them well and with amazing love and grace…. YOU, my friend, are a shining example of how well it can be done, if you ask me. (Gee, Cordelia, gush much? 🙂 )

      • Thanks heh. But I’m not that good. I’ve done a lot of bad and really stupid things in my life as some of my stories have shown. I have reached the tip of the iceberg, but even when I was my lowest point a couple of years ago, my mom and my aunts helped me out how they could. That’s family.

        • Yeah, we all do… even those of us raised WITH a dad. And hey, you can’t be a great writer without having some serious fuck ups to write about! 🙂

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