I Heart You All

I apologize for appearing to have committed blogicide.  I miss you all bunches.

Like all of you, life is busy.  The kids are good, it’s all football and One Direction and driver’s ed.  Love life is fucking screwed as per the norm but that’s nothing new for me, right?  I start classes in September so I will eventually be able to function like a grown up and get a real job.  Yay me.

Between the stalker from hell and myriad other issues that have come up I’ve lost my fire for writing.  As you know, I’ve been struggling to pull myself out of this sad little rut for a long time now but the rut seems to be slathered in Crisco and I can’t seem to to get my footing.  You all have been great about trying to throw me a rope but apparently my upper body strength just ain’t what it used to be and I can’t seem to hang on for too long.

I love and adore you all.  You gave me a fantastic welcome with my first blog (Mancakes… the Blog) and I was devastated when I had to walk away from it.  I missed the writing but mostly I missed all of you.  Lots of you found me again here and I was so excited that you did…connecting with you all is one of the best experiences I have ever had… you make me laugh, you make me think, you make me mad, and (Don of All Trades) you gross me out sometimes, too.

And I miss all of you right now as I clack away on this with huge tears in my eyes, but honestly I need to walk away once again to try and focus my mind and my effort on getting my real life feet under me for the first time in far too long.  It’s been a really bad year, to say the least, and we have four more months to go.  Sweet baby Jesus, hang on kids.

Bottom line is that my heart just isn’t in it anymore.  Too many people have stolen my thunder, swept the wind from my sails, yanked the rug out from underneath me…and I’m tired.  Every day I feel guilty that I haven’t written, that I haven’t read, that I haven’t commented…

Know that all of you, every last stinkin’ one of you, mean the fucking world to me.  You have inspired me to push myself down this next scary motherfucking road and I love you for it.  Maybe if life ever begins to make any sense again, I’ll be back but until then keep writing and keep being awesome, because you just may ignite something in another person who needs your spark to jump into the next chapter of their story like you did me.

While every single one of you is perfection on fucking legs, I need to send special lovin’ to Don of all Trades, Eric at Clown on Fire, Megan at Cowboys and Crossbones, Viv at Vivienne’s Process of Elimination, Kansas at Fat Bottom Girl, Farouk at Live Until,  Kevin Brennan at What the Hell, and Tric at My Thoughts on a Page.  You all make the world a better place in your own unique ways and I love you for it.

So that’s that for now.  Stay in touch via the email addy below… I’ll leave this blog up for a week or so and then I’m going to delete the account entirely so do drop me a line from time to time, okay?

Know that I appreciate all that you are and all that you do.  You didn’t just write in pixels on WordPress, you wrote on my heart …and you used permanent ink.

XOXO,

Cordelia

cordeliasguide@gmail.com

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18 thoughts on “I Heart You All

  1. Ugh! I had no idea you were going “through ” something..I’ve SO enjoyed your wit/your humor/your sense of finding humor in any given situation..Just as I discovered you; you’re leaving??? I do know things will get better..They always DO..So hang on in there & I am ever hopeful you’ll be back sooooon. Hugs/Hugs/ & tons of virtual hugs!

    • And thanks for the shout out. I hope you find inspiration and your voice again because reading your writing is one of my great pleasures. You inspire me. I know all about being in crisco lined holes (oh that just sounds really wrong) so if you ever want to talk, drop me a line. And if you’re ever in Boulder … Love you, lady!

  2. TOO WEIRD ! I was just looking for your email when you posted…I was gonna ask were you ok and where the hell were you?? I was missing you!!!
    This…(I wont lie) …makes me sad. But, I get it. Sometimes the soul needs a rest. Take your time….and if you have to leave for good, and I hope you don’t, please take care of yourself. There are people who care. Odd and nice how we all connect with each other. I heart you Cordelia….truly.

  3. I was just wondering where you’d gone to. I’ll miss your blogs! What’s important is that you take care of yourself and do what you need to do for you.
    Be well my dear. If I never see you here again, know that I’ll never forget you and your wonderful capacity for humour that shines through it all.
    xx

  4. Best wishes. WordPress is not the place to be unless its a pleasure not a chore. It must be nice for you to know how much you will be missed. Hang in there and maybe we will see you back here soon.
    We only live once so make it count!

  5. There’s no way I’m going to click that I “like” this… But I get it.

    You have a flame in you that might be flickering right now, but it’s bright and it’s beautiful and we’ll be seeing it again. So take care of that light, and all the best to you. You deserve it.

  6. Cordelia…I am in a shitty state of mind also so no comfort..but darling I love your blog, you make me smile and laugh…sending you love and hugs and loving vibe missy…big hug Ceri xxxx

  7. This doesn’t come as a surprise to me as your heart just didn’t seem to be into this blog like it was Mancakes. Mine wasn’t either, really. I missed my Mancakes…the blog. Oh well, life goes on, I guess. I’m glad to hear that you’re going to school and may one day have a grown up job. It’s totally overrated, by the way.

    Count on me harassing you via email, if that’s the only outlet I have. Talk soon!!

  8. Love, love, love thrown to you! Hang in there, even if it is by your nails. You’ll get out of whatever rut you’re in and I’m right there with you – this past year for me, has been one of the shittiest I’ve ever had. You’re not alone. And hurry back – misery loves company! 🙂

  9. I’m totally against this plan, but I will respect it, and whine about it to my friends. I LOVE your blog. I always look forward to your posts. Looked forward to? Sigh. My e-mail is info@mollytopia. If you ever want to guest post say the word – I know everyone loves you as much as I do, and will be happy to hear from you any way they can. Lots of hearts and rainbows from me to you MIss Cordelia.
    XO

  10. I hit ‘like’, but it was for support, not because I likey. Please don’t take your site down, you may want to come back. And it’s such a great site. Hopefully, good breezes will be blowing your way. Stay strong.

  11. Cordelia,
    I have been trying to reenact Hitchcock’s Rear Window, by sitting by my window, and looking out, counting the bricks, and the cracks between the bricks, sometimes closing one eye to see if it makes it look different, sometimes holding my breath to see how long I can keep it in, sometimes getting up to peep (but I pretend I limp like James Stewart, cause I have to stay into character if not it wouldn’t be too good of a reenactment), but it has been boring, and I would rather thank you for the mention, because I am Canadian and I am polite, and it gives me a reason to look at something else the 3179 vertical cracks and 3657 horizontal ones.
    Le Clown

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